There's a Tear In Heff's Beer

It's sad to see what a few beers and a guilty heart can do to a man. I reproduce below an email sent to me earlier tonight by a drunk Dumb Brute. Enjoy. When he sobers up I'm sure he'll be back in full force. I just wish Big Bill could pull up in Heff's driveway just about now.


Yep. Heff's drunk. Apologize to your wife for me...AGAIN. - As sent to Will :

Will - Obviously, this is Heff. I'm down about 12 Michelob Ultras on this beautiful Alabama Saturday night (I guess you guys are getting the same weather since it habitually tends to head east) - and just got through searing some cow on the massive Grill O' Heff. Anyway, just a few words for ya - I think your posse' is cool as snow ! If I EVER personally offend ANY OF YOU, LET ME KNOW. Heff is generally a nice, upper-middle class southern white boy, that leans into the guilty pleasure of beating a DEAD HORSE on a frequent basis. If that ever happens, I'll remove the post as soon as I hear from you. I can only assume that since you sent my parody of "Big Bill" to all of your friends, that he can take it as well as he can dish it out. I was also concerned about the "To Be, or Not To Be" Democrat post, but you took it like "THE TROOPER". - (No Iron Maiden reference intended.) Just wanted to clarify my position, and I look forward to "Sunday Borning"

- Ryan Seacrest - out.

P.S. Hatch is also a great southern white guy. I've know him since we were children. Please add him to your address book - jahatcher@gmail.com - thanks man.