Butt is Bad, Hatch is Worse

Chicagoland residents, in an attempt to warn future generations of the dangers of Hatch, have decided to build the nation's largest phallic symbol along the lake front near Navy Pier.

"From 1,458 feet up, we should be able to see that fat bastard coming from a long ways off," said Bull Frillykins, who had driven into town from the suburbs to seek treatment for a yeast infection. When pressed for further comment, Mr. Frillykins was set upon by a crazed woman wielding a stick, and forced to move away down the sidewalk.