Top 10 Reasons the TOL Sold Out

From the home office in Coontown, Alabama we've just received from Heff the latest Top 10 list. Actually it was a top 8, so I've taken the liberty of adding a few to round it out. So now, without delay, we present The Top 10 Reasons the TOL Commander Sold Out!

10. Being rebellious without a cause just getting too damned old.
9. Need wampum to purchase new guitar to be pawned to be featured as new "Guitar of the Past."
8. Trying to raise enough cash to afford "The Big Breakfast" for Heather.
7. Hiring half naked ho's every Friday more expensive than first thought.
6. Rent money, rent money, rent money.
5. Having the T.O.L. silkscreened on thongs to be worn by countless females across the world just too cool NOT to do.
4. Using Cafe Press much more affordable than opening "The Trailer Of Worthless Crap."
3. Two words : DENTIST BILLS.
2. Big Bill demanding even more of his lunch money these days.
1. Jimi the dog finally fed up with being forced to lick other people's privates for cash.