Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Why is Hatch so Shocked?

I realize the guy recently charged with shining a laser at planes is obviously not very bright in the first place, but I'm still somewhat amazed at his continued ignorance even after he was apprehended. Now Hatch is no criminal mastermind or a lawyer (is there a difference?), but even I've seen enough episodes of CSI or Law & Order that I could coach someone on the following answers during interrogation.

FBI: Do you own this laser device Hatch?

Hatch: Yes. (Since obviously they saw me with it.)

FBI: Did you point it at the planes and the helicopter?

Hatch: Nope. No way!

FBI: Will you take a polygraph test?

Hatch: Nope. There is no scientific evidence that they're accurate.

FBI: Oh come on! We know you and Heff drank too many Buttery Nipples and started pointing this device at the planes. Heff already ratted you out. Do you want to be the only one to go down hard for this?

Hatch: Heff drank way more Buttery Nipples than I did so it's entirely possible that he pointed the device at something while I was eating all the cheese out of his refrigerator, but I did not see him do it nor did I point it at anyone myself.

This guy obviously got played with hard by the feds, but since he is obviously hindering the effective development of a viable gene pool in his area, I feel no pity for him. Trying to tell them that it was your daughter? Come on! What kid wouldn't pee their pants the first time the FBI came down on them and start blabbing about how their Daddy did it? I know mine would and Heff's kid would definitely do it after he got shafted out of his spacious bedroom last week.

No comments: