Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Arise, Hatch

The beast has started to stir as Hatch and Burt went to the gym this morning about 7:15 am local time. I did one set of 12 for all the upper body muscles. I'll go to two sets next week each day so I can maybe actually move around without too much agony these first few days. I won't make my two readers endure any D.B.A.N. reports this time.

11 comments:

TheHeffer said...

Thanks for opting out on the D.B.A.N. report. You're wasting your time only doing 1 set, then increasing to 2 sets. You know better than that, Hatch. No less than 3 sets, preferably 4 even when you first start back. You can't fill the muscles with blood worth a damn doing 1 set.

Alan said...

Hatch actually has to function in society and can't sit around all day and search for the next C. Canyon video. One set of 12 reps will do fine for this week and then I'll move up to 2 sets of 10 to 12 reps and within a few weeks be up to 3 sets. I've referenced my exercise bible, "Building Strength" and this is exactly how it recommends you go about it.

TheHeffer said...

Do it however you want, but you'll "Build it Quicker" if you do the standard 3 sets of 8 - 12 reps. My workout only takes 1 hour a day, I'm on my 3rd month, and results are showing quite well. You have that kind of free time, if you'll just stop staring at Burt in his underwear.

Alan said...

Why can't Heff just admit that he's secretly afraid that Hatch will some day bench more than him? That's why he tries to sabotage Hatch with all this talk of "Go ahead and do 3 or 4 sets Hatch, you pussy."

TheHeffer said...

Now, how in the Hell could I "sabotage" you into "not benching more than me" by telling you to work at it harder by doing more reps ??!? You makah no sense, Hatch.

TheHeffer said...

I meant "sets" there, not reps. Anyway, Heff almost has the trademark "Holyfield Butt{under}neck" thing going on. Shoulder Shruggs kick ass. You should be able to bench more than me anyway, Hatch. You're on a bigger frame than I am. - Just don't make me break out those killer preacher curls on your ass again.....

Alan said...

Cause you know damn well that if Hatch does 4 sets every time right now he'll be hurting so bad that he'll quit trying. Admit it, you like your Hatch to be fat and barefoot in the kitchen eating your cheese.

TheHeffer said...

Ok, Yea. I'll admit that. I love for you to come down, spend all of 1 hour with us, and during that time eat ALL OF OUR CHEESE. But there is truth to the statement "No pain, no gain." For example, Does Hatch jog ? No, he walks, "because jogging would hurt his ankles." Hey, when I started back, everything from the knee and below hurt like hell. That's not a sign to stop, it's a sign to KEEP GOING. Push yourself, Hatch, or I'm going to start calling you "1 set boy".

Jesus H. Christ said...

Dearest Heff, do not come down on Alan. As I gave him certain gifts that I held from you, I in turn gave unto you certain abilities not within reach to Hatch. One of his many struggles includes having a LOW THRESHOLD FOR PAIN.

Alan said...

Actually, Hatch was given a low threshold for idiots. The Fluffer keeps going on and on about no pain no gain, but Hatch is in plenty of pain all the time, so The Fluffer has no idea what he's talking about. When you're really fat, your knees and ankles hurt anyway and it would absolutely insane to start jogging before you peel off some of the weight. The Fluffer thinks anything written by an expert like Bill Perl that goes against his flawed logic is crap, when in fact the real crap is flowing out of The Fluffer's head and disguising itself as a squirrel tail that The Fluffer insists on calling a mullet. When you weight 220 and you want to get back down to 200, you jog. When you weigh 313 and you want to lose weight, you start walking first so your joints can build up some strength.

I'm going to have to use a big word here to describe The Fluffer. It's called "Egocentric." Go look it up on www.m-w.com. Unfortunately, the way The Fluffer does things does not apply to everyone else, but he's unable to see that from his throne high above the poor denizens of Coontown.

TheHeffer said...

Ego....cen.....tric...Uh, Heff's head hurts....can't under...stand. Please, Hatch - cut the lame excuses and push yourself for a change. Let's take "The Biggest Loser" for example : (btw, I signed you up for Season 2) if certified trainers had "Mo" (a 400 + lb black guy) out there running laps, even though tears of pain were being shed from his eyes, how bad could it be for Hatch. I'm sure Mo's joints, etc. DIDN'T HURT AT ALL. Give me a damn break !