Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Reasons to Lose Weight

1. Live to see my daughter get married.
2. Live to see my son grow up.
3. Live to see my grandkids.
4. The ability to have a job that doesn't involve sitting in a cube all day.
5. Be able to drive up I65 and kick Uncle Bull's ass.
6. Be able to drive down I65 and kick Heff's ass. (And stop at McRay's for ribs.)
7. Hiking, biking, and being able to walk down the sidewalk without sweat pouring off.
8. Saving everyone money on broken chairs.
9. Belly button could potentially be fully cleaned out.
10. Added gas mileage on the Honda.

Feel free to add more.


HatchWife said...

Be able to help at the house with home projects without complaining. Just a thought...

TheHeffer said...

Ok, you asked for it.

God, I love Top Ten lists....

Top 10 Reasons For Hatch to lose Weight.

10. Could Stop replacing broken kitchen chairs on a regular basis, thus freeing up more cash for Slimfast.
9. Would stop being compared to Anita Dick.
8. Ketosis, Ketosis, Ketosis.
7. Old belts could then be donated as tie down equipment for U.P.S. vans, etc.
6. Old shirts could be tied at one end and used as massive windsocks.
5. Farts "just not quite as nasty".
4. Would stop being called "The Biggest Winner".
3. Vehicles would no longer lean toward the driver's side.
2. "Sharting" more of a rarity.

And the # 1 reason for Hatch to Lose Weight :

1. Exact location of penis no longer a mystery.

Paul said...

Heff, that should have read, "exact location of ALLEGED penis no longer a mystery."