Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Hatch is Fat

Good God almighty. I am completely and utterly fat. I've known this for a while but now I'm angry about it. I decided to take a walk at the end of my lunch break today so I set off down the residential street behind my office building. The sidewalk was almost completely shaded and it was about 82 degrees outside. I know from past experience that 110 strides at my normal pace is approximately 1/10 of a mile. I walked 330 strides down the sidewalk then turned around. A few minutes later my back and my hips start aching. By the time I made it back to the building, I could barely stand up. I look like I lost a wrestling match with a lawn sprinkler.

I know Heff and Uncle Bull and Frances are going to chime in with lots of advice, but do me a favor and don't. I have to do this myself. I'm not going into a lot of detail, but it basically comes down to eating less and exercising more. I weighed 324 pounds this past Sunday morning. This morning I weighed 322. It's not much, but it's a start. My hate will make me stronger.

11 comments:

Paul said...

224? are you using some system other than base 10?

Paul said...

all kidding aside, good luck.

TheHeffer said...

No advice, just a statement. You're in the worst shape of your life. The "point of no return" is staring you in the face. Do something NOW. I don't wanna see you as the highlight on some shitty t.v. show as the guy they have to bring a crane in for to wipe his ass.

Anonymous said...

AMEN Heff! You can do it HATCH! You soon will need to be chasing a small todler around all the time. Better get in shape now!

Big Bill said...

Hatch.......ahhh what can I say... Been there done that...Uhmmm Ok I cant be mean ya little bitch ya found my soft spot.....Ah but I can tease. Hatch if I went looking for your soft spot I would find that it begins and ends Ahhhhh! You little fag! I can't kick ya when your down. OK so do somthin about it Or I will come down there and wear out three pairs of knee caps kicken your fat ass!!!

Alan said...

I'm not depressed. I'm pissed! Three years ago I did a 9 mile hike with 1000 feet of elevation change. I hiked/climbed a cave that ran for about 2 miles underground and I had to swim out the last 100 yards with hiking boots on. Today I couldn't walk half a mile without stopping to let my back and hips take a break. It's just pitiful. Feel free to rag me as much as you want.

Big Bill said...

Hatch! don't look at Heff, he is like the thin girl everyone wants to be like. BUTT remember Heff along with all the other gay people are thin because, who the hell wants to eat after you have had a cock in your mouth all day!!!

TheHeffer said...

....So much for Hatch's PG Rating !

Big Bill said...

Its PIG rating Heff!! I didn't know should I remove my coment or is this a sad attempt to remove it cause its about you? You pansie wansie!

Paul said...

Bringing in a crane to wipe his ass? It wasn't that long ago he had to bring a paul in to wipe his ass, and he was 10 pounds lighter then than now. What it comes down to, ladies and germs, is that he CAN do it, once he really wants to. I remember when he did his "3 months of fitness", and I was impressed. The problem is, he hasn't wanted it badly enough. I'm a'hopin' that's hate we're seeing in his bloodshot eyes, and that he wants it now.

Anonymous said...

If you come to Maine again to visit, you can have lobster, but NO BUTTER dude! ;-)

Karlotta